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Howdy, friends!
Welcome back to another perfect installment of Am I The Literary Asshole? , a drunken advice column that’s just happy to be here. I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and I’m proud to announce that it’s officially Miller Time. That’s right, I’m about to pound my entire way through a twelve pack of beer. Would you care to join me, gentle readers?
Great! Let’s crack a couple of cold ones and get down to the scintillating business of reading everyone else’s petty gossip.
Cheers, let’s get into it:
1) Dear Dad,
There’s a pretty famous local author who lots of people love, but I don’t. I don’t have any critique of their work or personal bad experience, it’s all just a gut feeling. Does this make me a literary a-hole?
Melting in the Midwest
And we’re off to a strong start!
Listen, nobody has to like anybody. I mean, we need to be respectful. That’s paramount. But at the end of the day, nobody is going to force you to enjoy this person’s work or company. Everyone is different and we all have varying personalities. Some of those personalities mesh better than others. Simple as that!
Now, since you wrote in to me, I’m going to unpack this further. Why? Because you don’t choose to write into a stranger about something like this unless your feelings are a bit more complicated than “just a gut feeling.”
I’m a big believer in intuition. If your gut is telling you this is a bad character (and it’s truly nothing other than that), I think you can go with that alone. Keep your negative thoughts to yourself and simply keep your distance.
But! I’d ask you to question whether any of this might stem from something other than your “gut.” Because while I do strongly believe that our guts are great barometers of energy and vibe, I also think there are likely other layers to examine here.
This is a famous local author, right? Are you also from this place? Do you have strong feelings about people who write about that place? Does the fact that this person gets recognition and “love” of their work impact the way you view them since you are also (probably) a writer? Does it make you feel certain ways about your own work?
You say you have no critique of their writing, but maybe take a moment to consider why it is you don’t have any sort of feeling about it. Is it truly apathy, or is something else at the root? I always think it’s smart to take a beat and examine our own feelings. This is especially true when it comes to matters of personal dislike.
I’m not going to call you an asshole for just generally disliking someone! That’s perfectly fine. But it might do you some good to take a little peek at your inner working for this one, just to see if you can narrow down what’s causing all this. The answer may surprise you! And I bet you’ll learn something interesting from the exercise, regardless.
Beer for you? Beer for me. Let’s see what’s next on the docket:
2) Am I the Asshole for refusing an anthology request? Somebody reached out to me (through my agent) and asked if I’d consider contributing to an upcoming compilation. Thematically, the work isn’t remotely similar to my own. Think “romance” when all I write is “horror.” Honestly? I was pretty offended. I told my agent to nicely turn them down, and then my agent seemed upset because it’s fairly good pay for an antho. Apparently there are a lot of big names attached. Should I have just sucked it up and sent them something?
This one’s easy! You don’t need to feel bad about this, at all.
I get why your agent would see that there’s lots of money involved and want you to be part of things. It’s always nice to get paid for our writing, and anthologies generally don’t shell out all that much cash since there are so many contributors listed on the contract.
But if this anthology is dealing with work that isn’t remotely in your wheelhouse? It’s better to leave it alone. You’d likely wind up either:
Submitting work that doesn’t fit with the rest of the contributors (and likely getting a polite rejection for your efforts)
Submitting work that’s not your usual genre and doesn’t feel up to your standards
It’s perfectly fine to bow out of things if we feel like we aren’t the right fit. Jobs are jobs, buddy. Why try and shove ourselves into something uncomfortable when there are plenty of other opportunities out there that would be better for us artistically and professionally?
Don’t worry about this one. Something else will come along that’s better for everyone involved.
Okay, we’ve come to our final beer (and our final question) of the day. Let’s sip and see, shall we?
3) Sometimes when I try and attend open mic nights or other literary events in my (admittedly small) town, I feel so wildly out of place that I wind off coming off like a jerk. My best friend has told me I have “resting bitch face” so there’s nothing I can really do about that, but I’d like to make more friends in the community. Do you have any advice?
Sometimes all it takes is just toughing things out.
I know that’s hard to hear! But allowing ourselves to experience discomfort can oftentimes lead to necessary life experiences. Are there ways you can engage with other people at these events? That would take care of the “resting bitch face.” Although I have to say, sometimes we might feel as though we’re coming off poorly, and the reality is that we’re acting perfectly fine. Unless you’re actively saying negative stuff about the other readers, it’s likely nobody thinks you’re acting like a “jerk.” They probably just think you’re shy.
Maybe approach someone after they’re done and let them know you liked what they read. Ask someone a question about their work. Most artists really enjoy hearing positive feedback, especially in small spaces where they’re trying out new and vulnerable work.
The more you put yourself out there, the easier this will all feel. The more comfortable you get with talking to other people at these events, the more likely you are to create a larger and more welcoming community space for yourself. Odds are there are plenty of people at these events who are just as nervous as you. Making the effort can make all the difference.
I believe in you! You’ve got this!
And that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Join me next time when I answer more of your anonymous questions (submit them HERE , friends) and I also start building a fort out of all my empty beer boxes. Yes, you’re invited! BYOB!
Hi-ho,
Dad
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Are you worried you’re the literary asshole? Ask Kristen via email at AskKristen@lithub.com , or anonymously here.
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