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Howdy, friends!
Welcome back to another perfect installment of Am I The Literary Asshole? , a drunken advice column thatโs just happy to be here. Iโm your host, Kristen Arnett, and Iโm proud to announce that itโs officially Miller Time. Thatโs right, Iโm about to pound my entire way through a twelve pack of beer. Would you care to join me, gentle readers?
Great! Letโs crack a couple of cold ones and get down to the scintillating business of reading everyone elseโs petty gossip.
Cheers, letโs get into it:
1) Dear Dad,
Thereโs a pretty famous local author who lots of people love, but I donโt. I donโt have any critique of their work or personal bad experience, itโs all just a gut feeling. Does this make me a literary a-hole?
Melting in the Midwest
And weโre off to a strong start!
Listen, nobody has to like anybody. I mean, we need to be respectful. Thatโs paramount. But at the end of the day, nobody is going to force you to enjoy this personโs work or company. Everyone is different and we all have varying personalities. Some of those personalities mesh better than others. Simple as that!
Now, since you wrote in to me, Iโm going to unpack this further. Why? Because you donโt choose to write into a stranger about something like this unless your feelings are a bit more complicated than โjust a gut feeling.โ
Iโm a big believer in intuition. If your gut is telling you this is a bad character (and itโs truly nothing other than that), I think you can go with that alone. Keep your negative thoughts to yourself and simply keep your distance.
But! Iโd ask you to question whether any of this might stem from something other than your โgut.โ Because while I do strongly believe that our guts are great barometers of energy and vibe, I also think there are likely other layers to examine here.
This is a famous local author, right? Are you also from this place? Do you have strong feelings about people who write about that place? Does the fact that this person gets recognition and โloveโ of their work impact the way you view them since you are also (probably) a writer? Does it make you feel certain ways about your own work?
You say you have no critique of their writing, but maybe take a moment to consider why it is you donโt have any sort of feeling about it. Is it truly apathy, or is something else at the root? I always think itโs smart to take a beat and examine our own feelings. This is especially true when it comes to matters of personal dislike.
Iโm not going to call you an asshole for just generally disliking someone! Thatโs perfectly fine. But it might do you some good to take a little peek at your inner working for this one, just to see if you can narrow down whatโs causing all this. The answer may surprise you! And I bet youโll learn something interesting from the exercise, regardless.
Beer for you? Beer for me. Letโs see whatโs next on the docket:
2) Am I the Asshole for refusing an anthology request? Somebody reached out to me (through my agent) and asked if Iโd consider contributing to an upcoming compilation. Thematically, the work isnโt remotely similar to my own. Think โromanceโ when all I write is โhorror.โ Honestly? I was pretty offended. I told my agent to nicely turn them down, and then my agent seemed upset because itโs fairly good pay for an antho. Apparently there are a lot of big names attached. Should I have just sucked it up and sent them something?
This oneโs easy! You donโt need to feel bad about this, at all.
I get why your agent would see that thereโs lots of money involved and want you to be part of things. Itโs always nice to get paid for our writing, and anthologies generally donโt shell out all that much cash since there are so many contributors listed on the contract.
But if this anthology is dealing with work that isnโt remotely in your wheelhouse? Itโs better to leave it alone. Youโd likely wind up either:
Submitting work that doesnโt fit with the rest of the contributors (and likely getting a polite rejection for your efforts)
Submitting work thatโs not your usual genre and doesnโt feel up to your standards
Itโs perfectly fine to bow out of things if we feel like we arenโt the right fit. Jobs are jobs, buddy. Why try and shove ourselves into something uncomfortable when there are plenty of other opportunities out there that would be better for us artistically and professionally?
Donโt worry about this one. Something else will come along thatโs better for everyone involved.
Okay, weโve come to our final beer (and our final question) of the day. Letโs sip and see, shall we?
3) Sometimes when I try and attend open mic nights or other literary events in my (admittedly small) town, I feel so wildly out of place that I wind off coming off like a jerk. My best friend has told me I have โresting bitch faceโ so thereโs nothing I can really do about that, but Iโd like to make more friends in the community. Do you have any advice?
Sometimes all it takes is just toughing things out.
I know thatโs hard to hear! But allowing ourselves to experience discomfort can oftentimes lead to necessary life experiences. Are there ways you can engage with other people at these events? That would take care of the โresting bitch face.โ Although I have to say, sometimes we might feel as though weโre coming off poorly, and the reality is that weโre acting perfectly fine. Unless youโre actively saying negative stuff about the other readers, itโs likely nobody thinks youโre acting like a โjerk.โ They probably just think youโre shy.
Maybe approach someone after theyโre done and let them know you liked what they read. Ask someone a question about their work. Most artists really enjoy hearing positive feedback, especially in small spaces where theyโre trying out new and vulnerable work.
The more you put yourself out there, the easier this will all feel. The more comfortable you get with talking to other people at these events, the more likely you are to create a larger and more welcoming community space for yourself. Odds are there are plenty of people at these events who are just as nervous as you. Making the effort can make all the difference.
I believe in you! Youโve got this!
And thatโs all the time we have for today, folks. Join me next time when I answer more of your anonymous questions (submit them HERE , friends) and I also start building a fort out of all my empty beer boxes. Yes, youโre invited! BYOB!
Hi-ho,
Dad
__________________________
Are you worried youโre the literary asshole? Ask Kristen via email at AskKristen@lithub.com , or anonymously here.
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